"I'm sure it stings when you feel slighted, underestimated, criticized, or excluded.
Just know that the heat you feel is free energy waiting to be burned.
Don't crawl up in a corner worried about the people who disrespect you.
Repackage what you are hearing and feeling until it works for you!"
Page 64, David Goggins, Never Finished, 2022.
As a recovering people-pleaser, I used to worry about what people thought of me. Now, when these concerns arise, I think to myself: “Thank you for the fuel; thank you for confirming who should and shouldn’t be in my life.”
Let’s get vulnerable: It took breaking free from an unhealthy situation to start rebuilding myself. I thought that leaving would end the constant negativity. But it was only the beginning of what would become an ongoing challenge. Things escalated last year when a seemingly ordinary action was met with a barrage of unexpected accusations and assumptions about my character, my background, and my values. Formal measures took place, and thankfully, the resolution was fair and just.
However, the negative dynamics that accompanied that event—the misdirected blame, the playing of the victim, and the hurtful comments—were all too familiar.
Despite this, I held my head high and disclosed the situation only to those in my trusted circle. I can’t say the same for the other person, but what was quietly painful for me was experiencing how easily people believed such statements about me without question. These people were in our common spaces. I had always been kind, polite, friendly, and accommodating. One individual, in particular, whom I welcomed into my home, supported in applying for a coaching position at my workplace, and assisted extensively—so much so that I began to feel my boundaries were being tested.
What I learned was that trying harder won’t make them like you more. I had to learn to accept—and to practice—that what goes on in other people’s minds is none of my business. And people who are eager to believe false narratives about you without even hearing your experience have no interest in being on eye level with you. And well, that's more a reflection of their issues than of me. And most importantly, their opinion of me absolutely doesn’t matter.
Ultimately, what mattered wasn’t their opinion of me, but my opinion of them and my trust in myself. I learned to remain focused on what and who in my life mattered most. This turning point enabled me to develop the skill of quickly and seamlessly shifting focus towards action — the actions that would bring my life forward.
What I learned was that “trying harder won’t make them like you more.”
I did, however, learn to use it as a tool for self-reflection. Why did this bother me so much? Where does this pattern of wanting and needing the approval of others come from? Why had my boundaries been so weak?
That is how I began my commitment to truly healing—not just on the surface but putting in the work and challenging these old ways of thinking and feeling. I couldn’t control what others thought of me, but I could change how I saw myself.
I began a system reboot.
I listened to several hundred hours of transformative podcasts and interviews, such as those by Jay Shetty, Mel Robbins, Lewis Howes, Dr. Ramani, and more. I started a meditation habit, exercised, and focused on my son, my dog, my family, and my friends. I stayed in a state of gratitude.
"Turn every negative word into your positive progress"
And I read a lot. One of those books is David Goggins’ “Never Finished.” In chapter 2 of the book, entitled “Evolution,” he talks about listening to and even recording the way you speak to yourself. First, let all the most critical aspects of your thoughts spill out. Then, like a good friend, use them to “flip the dynamic of your life.”
"The way we speak to ourselves in moments of doubt is crucial,
whether or not the stakes are high. Because our words become actions,
and our actions build habits that can coat our minds and bodies with the
plaque of ambivalence, hesitancy, and passivity and separate us from
our own lives [...] Because you can then repurpose it. You can use it to
remind yourself that changes must be made. [...] It can challenge you to
rewrite the narrative..."
Page 64, David Goggins, Never Finished, 2022.
The same approach can be applied to the opinions of others. At the end of the day, it’s up to us—not anyone else—to write a new story for ourselves. As David Goggins wrote, turn every negative word into your positive progress.
Through this practice, I learned to focus on my inner peace and confidence in my thoughts and actions. Despite everything that had occurred—and frankly, continues to take place—I now refuse to have the mindset of victimhood. Because that mindset can be a prison and a painful place to be, as it means an absence of agency. I always have a voice; I am secure in the knowledge and trust in myself that every step I take is rooted in integrity and wisdom. It is fueled by my truth, and my value is not defined by the perception of others.
This journey has also been the inspiration for “Happy Rocket,” where the tagline is “Welcome to life beyond just getting by,” because that’s what this entire human experience is about: we are here not just to survive but to thrive. We owe it to ourselves to go beyond our limits, even if it means facing our deepest fears, insecurities, traumas, egos, etc., so that we can be the version of ourselves that we feel safe in, trust, and take pride in.
Join me on a journey of growth and transformation through the Happy Rocket platform.
I look forward to seeing you on the other side.
this is very helpful, thank you for making this blog
many can relate to this. thankyou